As a senior, I’d like to take a moment to reflect on my time here at Syracuse. Seniors, let’s be real, we’ve seen some sh*t in the last three and half years. We are so old we remember when Schine was just a construction site a certain humor columnist used to pee next to when she thought no one was looking.

What I’m trying to say is, seniors, we’ve seen the good, the bad and the ugly during our time here. Some of it so disturbing that the Daily Orange staff said I could only describe it in morse code.

– …. . -.– / -.. .. -.. -. .—-. – / .- -.-. – ..- .- .-.. .-.. -.– / … .- -.– / – …. .- –

What type of mediocre humor columnist would I be if I didn’t list the most unforgettable moments that have happened in the past three and half years? Without further foreplay, here is a list of the top 5 most unforgettable moments that have happened since class of 2023 arrived on campus.

1. Starting off strong, everyone remembers when Syracuse fans brutally booed comedian and Kardashian survivor Pete Davidson. In early 2022, the audience heckled him after he called the city of Syracuse “trash” on the Howard Stern Show. Davidson also added that “The nicest hotel in Syracuse is, like, a f*cking Ramada.” Pete, baby, obviously you’ve never had the privilege of being quarantined in the Sheraton for two weeks.

2. At number two, we have the punch heard ‘round the world. No one can forget when Syracuse’s favorite blonde, Buddy Boeheim, sucker punched a Florida State player right in his gut. Following the game, Boeheim issued a statement, assuring the punch was an accident. Right, Buddy…just like how I “accidentally” filled a sock with rocks and used it to severely damage my ex’s BMW.

3. Acropolis announces its closing. After 40 years of serving the most average pizza you will ever drunkenly enjoy, Acropolis sadly closed its doors. My heart goes out to Acropolis’ seven customers. Steve, Jordan, Brad, Jim, Matt, and Steve’s brother, I hope you guys are okay with Varsity.

4. Who could forget when Jimmy Fallon conducted ‘Cuse’s pep band? In February 2020 the late-night host attended a ‘Cuse basketball game along with his buddies Tom Brady and Julian Edelman. Fallon told fans he was “just happy to be there.” Brady, on the other hand, told fans to quickly find him the nearest child so he could kiss them on the mouth.

5. Jake Bongiovi, son of legendary musician—you guessed it—Bon Jovi, announced in February of 2020 that he would be attending Syracuse in the fall. However, Jake’s time at Syracuse was cut short. I can only assume that Jake left Syracuse to focus on being Millie Bobby Brown’s full-time boyfriend. I can’t blame you Jake, I too would have left Syracuse if a certain star from “Stranger Things” wanted to date me. I’m looking at you, David Harbour.

Hopefully, you can read this heartfelt conclusion through all the random ads The Daily Orange puts on this site. Seniors, thinking about all we’ve been through together is making me emotional. But, look on the bright side, we still have time to add to this list. Let’s hope our last semester together is as unforgettable as the new name of the Carrier Dome. What’s it called again?

Published on September 27, 2022 at 9:39 pm