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If you were to ask me a few weeks ago whether or not I thought it was worth it to pursue a long distance relationship, there’d be no hesitation before I said yes. Entering this school year in a long-distance relationship, I thought I was ready to make the emotional and time-consuming commitment that goes into maintaining it. At the time, the feat of pursuing long distance seemed feeble compared to the way I was feeling for my partner. I felt like I could make anything work with them. Yet, sometimes we fall head over heels before assessing the gravity of being in a long-distance relationship.

As August rolled around and it was time to readjust back into college life, it became abundantly clear that I grossly underestimated the commitment I made. There’s more to a long-distance relationship than I originally estimated.

I don’t think a long-distance relationship should be immediately shot down as soon as the idea rolls around — quite the contrary. If long distance is the only option for you and your partner, it’s absolutely something to consider. There is no harm in trying, and it can lead to unexpected love and connection.

When I announced to my friends and family that my partner and I started dating I was immediately met with push back. I was told it wouldn’t last, the relationship would only end in heartbreak and there wasn’t any point to trying if we could barely see each other in person. Still, I knew I wanted to try. I had so much love for my partner and the relationship we built before shifting to long-distance was too special to lose. While I knew there was a possibility the relationship may not work, I didn’t let it deter me from trying.

There’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to whether or not you should or shouldn’t pursue a long-distance relationship; it boils down to who you and your partner are, and if you believe your bond is strong enough to last. According to a study conducted by the American Counseling Association, 75% of college students are or will be in a long-distance relationship. The main thing to keep in mind when the option arises is what truly goes into maintaining a healthy and balanced long-distance relationship.

Communication is one of the most important factors of any relationship, and its importance only increases with distance. You have to be prepared to make time to communicate with your partner exclusively on the phone, whether it be over text, phone or video calls. This factor is one that a lot of people tend to dismiss, thinking it’s obvious. And while yes, communication is an obvious part of a relationship, it’s vastly different when you’re in person versus virtual.

When you’re forced to speak solely through a phone, it can detract from the life you’re living on your own. While of course you want to share news about your day and how you’re doing with them, it can be draining to repeatedly be distracted from your regular routine.

This ties into the importance of time in terms of long-distance relationships. Remaining aware of both you and your partner’s schedule is a difficult balance to maintain, but it’s imperative in creating ample time for each other. This was something that made long distance extremely difficult and disruptive for me. It felt like a part of me was absent from my life here at school, like that piece of me was with my partner while the rest of me was simply going through the motions.

All relationships should be built on a basic foundation of trust. But when miles of distance need to be accounted for, trust becomes so much more crucial to the success of the relationship. Trust means more than feeling confident your partner won’t cheat. You have to be comfortable that your partner will continue to put in effort and care, despite not having you right there with them.

Trust was never something my partner and I struggled with. We always had an unspoken agreement that we’d be there to support and uplift each other when we needed it, which I believe was one of the main reasons we felt long distance was worth a try. My partner was someone who I felt comfortable around, and moreover, extremely supported by. I knew I could turn to them any time I needed anything, and they would support me.

It goes without saying that every relationship is unique, and no two experiences will ever be the same. The most important thing you can do not only for your relationship, but for yourself, is to keep in mind the commitments you need to make when deciding whether or not you should pursue a long-distance relationship. If you truly feel it’s what’s best for your relationship, take the chance. There is no harm in trying. You never know what it may lead to.

The choice we ultimately made to end our relationship does not negate all the love and care I had and will continue to have for them, something others may not understand. After putting in a significant amount of effort, it became clear a long-distance relationship wasn’t plausible for us — and that’s OK.

I was recently asked if I felt like my long-distance relationship was a waste of time. I couldn’t help but laugh at the question. No, I don’t regret trying, nor do I think it was a waste of time. I know that if my partner and I ended our relationship when facing distance, we’d both regret never knowing what could have happened. I think trying something, even knowing it’s going to be a challenge, isn’t a waste of time. On the contrary, I think it’s brave, and teaches us more about ourselves than through traditional relationships. I learned more about myself from pursuing something long-distance, and I learned lessons that I will bring with me into my future relationships.

Gracie Lebersfeld is a junior majoring in selected studies in education and creative writing. Her column appears bi-weekly. She can be reached at gmlebers@syr.edu.

Published on October 21, 2024 at 11:48 pm